What I wish I knew before having a baby 

Welcome back to another episode of Rosie’s Rituals, as always, I’m so grateful that you’re here! 

Becoming a mum is the most dramatic life change you’ll ever go through as a woman, and that’s a fact! As soon as you find out you’re pregnant your life totally changes. Suddenly you’re restricted by what you can eat and drink, especially if you have gestational diabetes. You’re super tired as your body makes a whole human and if you’re anything like me your whole mindset changes. 

I went from loving a night out to loving an early night. Growing a baby is definitely the most incredible experience and all the feelings and emotions that come with it. 

Let’s not dance around the fact that it’s also an extremely scary and worrying time. When you’re pregnant it can really highlight the scary bits and you’re so desperate to keep your baby healthy and safe which can be very worrying. 

Anyway, I wanted to write this post to help other first time pregnant mums to calm their mind and prepare for your baby. This is all based on my own experience and I can’t stress enough that you should do what is right for you, this is to empower your own decision making not to tell you what to do. 

Protect your baby bubble 

I have delved into my own experiences of an induction and C-section in a post here if you’re interested in reading. However, I just wanted to touch on recovery and protecting your baby bubble. 

Once your tiny new baby arrives it’s a very emotional time. Recovering from child birth and adapting to your new life is an absolutely mammoth experience and I’m so glad I protected this time. 

It’s important to consider if you’ll need help whilst recovering, whether that’s help in your home or with the baby. Something that I didn’t realise was how much I wanted to care for my own baby. When I was in a different room to my new born daughter it would make my stomach knot and I felt very anxious. Our families were so supportive and just wanted to help, but if I could go back, I wouldn’t let my daughter be away from me at all in the first few days. I would ask for help with other things rather than letting me sleep! This however, is not the same for everyone, some mums need that time to rest and recover without being disturbed and can only do this whilst their baby is cared for my loved ones. 

The point I’m trying to make here is to do what is right for you and don’t shy away from what you need during that time. 

We did not have visitors other than direct family for the first 3/4 weeks and really had time to settle as new parents and get used to our baby before having visitors over and I would do the exact same again! 

Sleeping 

You can’t have too many places for your baby to sleep! I live in a small bungalow and had a Moses basket in the living room/lounge, a next to me crib in my bedroom and a cot bed in the nursery. This set up allowed me to safely put the baby down in each room of my home whilst I could get little jobs done or rest, whilst knowing my baby was safe. I had a cot top changer for the first few months (before baby could roll) and this was a dream to use especially after a C-section as it was at standing height. 

The next to me crib in my bedroom was the best! My daughter was practically co-sleeping with me but without any danger of me rolling on her and completely safe. This allowed me to rest and have my baby right next to me. This was a much better option than the Moses basket, as I could remove the side panel (before my daughter could roll over).  

I had a December baby and was quite worried about her getting cold, we set our central heating to never drop below 17 degrees to avoid her getting to cold overnight. I used 2.5 tog sleeping bags over a vest and long-sleeved baby grows with the mittens over her hands (to stop her scratching her face!), which worked so well and I’ll do again. I follow the NHS sleeping bag guidance to ensure my baby is warm enough without overheating. 

As my daughter got older, I started to use a white noise machine to stop any noise from us waking her up and it was a game changer! I use the Momcozy white noise machine and would highly recommend, especially if you have pets or other unpredictable noises around. I don’t feel comfortable leaving her in a room on her own without a baby monitor and again would highly recommend the Vtech video baby monitor to keep an eye on your baby. 

Sometimes babies sleep for long bursts and that’s okay! My new born baby would sleep up to 6 hours sometimes overnight and I needed the rest and so did she! Don’t let the internet scare you into waking your baby if you don’t need to! Get some well-deserved rest yourself and let them sleep if they need it. Just keep an eye on the wet and dirty nappies and if you wake up just check they’re comfortable and happily sleeping. 

Myself and my husband are very easy-going people and don’t have strict routines and having a strict routine for our baby just wasn’t a priority for us. Gradually my daughter started showing signs of tiredness at around 18:30 each night and so I initially started a little bedtime routine from here and tend to put her down for the night around 7. I tend to go based on my daughter’s tiredness and use this time as a gage and never force her to bed before she is tired. Bedtime is a relaxed and calm time in our house. 

Feeding

To be honest I feel like this section needs a whole blog post! Before I even gave birth, I knew I wanted to breastfeed, I was fascinated by how incredible breastmilk is, how it adapts to your baby’s temperature, provides antibodies and the fat content at different times etc. 

Here’s what I wish I knew before starting this journey… don’t listen to any unsolicited advice from loved ones and take the pressure off yourself! As long as your baby is getting wet and dirty nappies and your health visitor is happy with your baby then you’re doing everything right. There is SO much information about how to position the baby, how often to feed and so on but it really doesn’t matter and it’s easy to get bogged down by all this information. 

I was made to feel like I wasn’t feeding my baby often enough at one time and attended a local breastfeeding clinic to help me feed my baby properly. This wasn’t necessary and the clinic reassured me that I was doing everything right and to block out other people’s opinions! 

I kept a log of all the feeds on my phone for peace of mind and to keep track of any changes in feeding. I found this reassuring when I was feeling worried. I would also keep tab on what side I fed on to make sure I was swapping each feed to avoid Mastitis. This also helped me to keep track of how many feeds in a 24-hour period because I would totally forget some feeds, especially in the night! 

Okay now the painful part… this is just my experience and you should only take this with a pinch of salt! Before my milk came in and the baby was getting colostrum, she was latched more often than not and this caused some bad cracking and bleeding on my nipples! I used My Little Coco nipple balm which was amazing and really soothed them but I did have to ride out this pain for the first couple of weeks. But once my nipples had healed its totally pain free! Some people used nipple covers at first to help with this but I didn’t so I can’t comment on this.

Many people warned me that when my milk comes in, it’ll really hurt and it didn’t at all!! This made me wonder if my milk had even come in but it didn’t take long for the leaks and occasional spray across the room! However, it may hurt if you don’t breastfeed whilst your body discards the milk supply. Make sure you have plenty of breast pads available as you’ll get a lot of leaks whilst your supply settles. 

The good old topic of nipple confusion with breastfed babies… I fell victim to the worry of this and didn’t offer my baby a bottle (of pumped breastmilk) until around 5 months and suddenly realised she will not take a bottle at all. Next time round I will pump and offer at least one bottle a day from 6 weeks, as I am very limited by what I can do now. 

I was also very worried to give my baby a dummy early on as again I was scared that she’d start rejecting breastfeeding. However, after 3 weeks I would offer the dummy when she was very unsettled and it worked instantly to soothe her and never caused any issues with feeding. If she was crying due to hunger, she’d refuse the dummy. I wouldn’t put pressure on myself to not offer the dummy again next time. 

If you decide not to breastfeed or it just doesn’t work out, don’t stress a fed baby is best!

Bathing

I waited a week before washing my daughter’s hair with warm water over the sink and this felt right for us. I also only washed her around her face, neck and nappy area with cotton pads dipped in warm water until her umbilical cord fell off. 

It took a long while for her umbilical cord to fall off compared to other babies around me and again I wouldn’t worry about this but if you have a concern then see a doctor. 

My daughter started to develop eczema when we started weaning at 6 months, so I took her baths down from every day to every other day to help her skin. You don’t have to bath your baby every day!  

Unsolicited advice 

I can’t stress to you enough how important it is to ignore unsolicited advice!!! Family and friends are of course only trying to help and coming from a place of love. However, this constant stream of unrequested advice can be quite overwhelming. 

As a mother just trust your gut and do what you think is right. As mother is always right and you know your baby best! If you need support or advice then of course seek it from those you love and trust but don’t feel obliged to do anything different based on what others have experienced. Every baby is different and there’s no wrong or right way! 

Here’s some examples of advice I got that I didn’t ask for;

• Swaddling: this is a method I was recommended that wraps a baby snugly to help them feel secure and calm their startle reflex. This actually stressed my daughter out and done the opposite. 
• Breastfeeding: I was told I needed to feed my baby more often and for longer stretches. This wasn’t correct advice and caused unnecessary stress! 
• Holding the baby too much: I was told this makes a rod for your own back and the baby will not ever want to be put down. I’m so glad I ignored this and held my baby most of the time, even in the carrier when I was busy. Now she’s off crawling and doesn’t want to be held half as much. Although she does still like a cuddle, thank goodness! 
• Routines: I was told you must have a routine with a baby or they’ll never sleep and become unhappy. This wasn’t true a routine naturally developed when she was ready! 

There are just a few examples of unsolicited advice. Just ignore it and do exactly what you want and what feels right for you and your baby! 

What I wished I knew before having a baby

So, let’s recap on the 7 things I wish I knew before I had my baby; 

1. Protect your baby bubble! Limit visitors if you need to and be confident in asking for the support you need not what people think you need. 
2. You can’t have too many cribs, have safe sleeping options available throughout your home! 
3. A white noise machine and baby monitor is a must for me from about 4 months old! 
4. You don’t have to force a routine! 
5. Every breastfeeding journey is different, do what is right for you, not what someone else done with their baby! 
6. Bath your baby as often as you think they need it. 
7. Most importantly don’t listen to unsolicited advice! You know best and should trust yourself – mother knows best! 

I hope that you enjoyed reading this post and found some useful tips and most importantly know to trust yourself and only take advice when you’ve asked for it! 

As always, thank you so much for reading! 

Rosie xx